“He’s a man in his glory a boy in his dreams
And he’s living his life in between
Tomorrow will answer yesterdays Dreams
While today he is living in between”
Pathway to Glory, Loggins and Messina
So I’m not a man and there is no lover unseen (the next verse) but lately I’ve been spending too much time living in-between. This in-between comes from allowing myself to be held hostage by events in the past. Being so mired in the past, so busy analyzing and reanalyzing, so filled with anger and regret, that real participation and real action in the present, that could bring about real change, is not possible.
The land of in-between seems to be a common residence of my 50-something friends. There were so many years of raising children, working to make money to pay bills, and doing all the things that seemed to be expected of us that there was no time to reflect on anything. Then the children became adults, we noticed we were in our 50s and suddenly the reality of being on the other side of middle-aged confronted us. Now there is plenty of time to reflect on what-if, if only I would have, if only I had known, I wish I would have, how did this happen, what was I thinking.
It is easy to allow this new dialog to go on and on internally while precious time is still busy slipping away, still unnoticed.
So the question now is how to move beyond the in-between. How to move away from the regret of not having pursued a different path and start transitioning to the path I would like to take now — in the present.
Spending a good amount of the past couple of days eating Thanksgiving leftovers and taking naps has given me the rest necessary to begin to understand that this new path is about having some fun. All the urgency about having to develop my skills immediately because I have wasted so much time is only helping to keep me in-between. This path, in the present, is about finding authenticity, taking the time to explore interests, and growing in many directions.
