This weekend the reality that my prime work years are behind me and that I should have already transitioned into management has hit hard. At this point I should be grooming younger employees to move up, not trying to learn to program or planning to search for a new job in a field that is filled with incredibly bright and savvy 20-somethings.
Started reading Lean In: women, work, and the will to lead and there in black and white were all those things that I am constantly told are negatives: being direct, having integrity, speaking up, having ideas, wanting to do good work. All the things that are used to label women as aggressive and other limiting words. How different things might have been had I read this 30 years ago — and if I would have listened.
So now the mental clarity of the past couple of months is becoming a bit cloudy again. Should I be thinking about becoming a bigger fish in a smaller pond? Should I be looking for management opportunities or is that even more ridiculous?
There must be ongoing employment. The art fills the void and makes the rest fall somewhat into place but some days I still want more.
